Columnist Anderson Conducts a One Company- Man Poll

Plays It the Company Way to Hurt Stadium Chances

“My way is the Company way;
Whatever the Company says
Is by me O.K.!”
– Bobby Morse in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”

You are Dave Anderson. You are by definition the premiere sports columnist in town, not just because you are darn good, but because you work for The Company.

Yours is a grand position, but the short end of that is that when The Company says, “We are against this project,” the wise employee, even a star, starts to think of new and innovative ways to do that Bobby Morse number.

The Company says, “Our real estate connections, and some of our advertisers are urging us to launch an all-out attack on the plan to build a gorgeous Olympic stadium in Manhattan in which the New York Jets and college teams will play in future games, playoffs, bowl games and Super Bowls.”

What are you to do? You know Jet fans want this convenient midtown stadium within walking distance of Penn Station, as opposed to traveling all those dreary miles out into the Swamplands to a rival organization’s arena. As for the players, our recently honored icon Joe Klecko says it’s their dream to play in their own stadium.

So being the creative writer you are, you came up with an idea: make it be about the tail-gating, the hot dogs, the hamburgers and the beer, not the thrill of watching Chad throwing for touchdowns, Santana Moss driving defenders crazy or Curtis running for 100-plus, as Sack Exchange 2005 is squelching the opposition.

Let’s make it be about the fun of picnicking in a parking lot amid the exhaust fumes. That’s the angle, Dave. Forget touchdowns; chow-downs are what’s important.

And The Company is pleased as you go out and pose this challenging question to guys you find washing down their second cheeseburger with a blast of Sam Adams ale: “Do you want to go to a stadium where you can’t tail-gate?”

As the little Irishman says in the Guinness commercial, “Brilliant!” A resounding “No!” is inevitable

Of course we all love a picnic, and even those poor benighted souls who support the West Side stadium will agree that they’ve had swell times tail-gating, but those extremists who say they’ll give up their tickets if they lose it should know there are – how many, what is it, twenty thousand? – devoted Jet fans on the waiting list to grab them.

There was a Broadway musical called “Sunday in the Park with George,” about the French artist Georges Seurat, who produced a beautiful and famous painting of the Sunday scene on an island in the Seine, with the picnicking families sitting on blankets spread on the grass, the frolicking children and the strolling lovers, that perfectly evoked the idyllic Sunday picnic. I’m afraid “Sunday in the Parking Lot with Barbecue” does not compare.

Instead of seeking out 150 of those who are obviously going to say what the Company wants them to say, Anderson should have done what Jay Cross of the Jets did, conduct an e-mail poll of thousands of season ticket-holders, and he would have come to a far different conclusion.

And P.S.: To make sure nobody missed that brilliant reporting job, the Company publishes an editorial the next day praising Anderson for coming up with this unique idea.

That’s “How to Succeed” all right.

– TMcM

 

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